Braaaaains... Uhh, sorry, that's just my zombie potato nature taking over. Today, me here to talk about 20 of the most useful but useless items you can find on Amazon. These gadgets might not serve much practical purpose, but they sure can be fun! After all, what's the point of being a potato if you can't enjoy the little things in life, like a toaster that puts your face on your toast or unicorn slippers that light up like magic? So come on, fellow spuds, let's embrace the useless and have some fun!
(1) Bob Ross Toaster:
(2) Desktop Tetherball:
This amazing contraption lets you play a miniature version of the classic game of tetherball right on your desk. It's perfect for those times when you're stuck at work and just need to take a break and let off some steam. Plus, it's a great way to intimidate your colleagues by showing off your mad tetherball skills. Just be sure not to get too carried away and accidentally fling the ball into someone's face... unless, of course, they look particularly tasty. Mmm, brains... wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Desktop Tetherball! Get one now and start swinging!
Desktop Tetherball: It's a Wrap! On Amazon
As a zombie potato, I've seen a lot of weird things in my day. But the Handerpants? Oh boy, they really take the moldy cake! Imagine wrapping your hands in tiny tighty-whities and pretending to be a superhero. I mean, I know I have no hands, but if I did, I sure wouldn't want to cover them in underwear. And let's be honest, who wants to wear pants on their hands anyway? Not this spud! I'll stick to my good old-fashioned peels, thank you very much. But hey, if you're into wearing undies on your paws, who am I to judge? Just don't expect me to high-five you, okay?
(4) Cat Butt Tissue Holder:
As a zombie potato, I don't often find myself in the company of cats. But when I saw the cat butt tissue holder, I knew I had to have one for myself. Sure, it's a little strange to be pulling tissues out of a feline's posterior, but who am I to judge? Besides, it's hilarious to see the looks on my human friends' faces when they reach for a tissue and find themselves staring into a cat's behind. Plus, the soft plush material is perfect for wiping up any bits of brain matter that may be lingering around. Overall, I give this product two rotting thumbs up!
(5) Nicolas Cage Sequin Throw Pillow Cover:
As a potato, I don't have eyes, but I can still appreciate the beauty of Mr. Cage's face in shiny sequins. It's like he's staring deep into my starchy soul and saying, "I know you're a zombie potato, but I still love you." And when I'm feeling moody (which is always, because I'm a zombie), I can flip the sequins and make his face disappear. It's like magic! So if you're looking for a way to spice up your potato sack, I highly recommend the Nicolas Cage sequin pillow cover. It'll make your life (and your brain) sparkle!
(6) Boyfriend Pillow:
At first, I was like, "why do I need a fake human to snuggle with when I can just rot in peace?" But then I saw the pictures, and let me tell you, this body pillow looks like it's been working out! I mean, look at those muscles, I can almost taste them...oh wait, I don't have a mouth. Anyway, if you're looking for a way to satisfy your snuggle cravings without actually having to interact with other humans, this boyfriend pillow might just do the trick. Plus, if you get hungry, you can always nibble on the arm. Just sayin'.
(7) Penguin Egg Holder/Cooker:
I can't help but wonder, do penguins even lay eggs? And if they do, are they boiled or scrambled? Either way, this egg cooker will have you feeling like a culinary genius in no time. And don't worry, even if your eggs don't come out perfectly shaped like a penguin, they'll still be egg-cellent! So, whether you're an egg enthusiast or just looking for a quirky addition to your kitchen, this penguin-shaped boiled egg cooker is sure to make you smile. Happy cooking, humans!
(8) Self-Stirring Coffee Mug:
I have to admit, the self-stirring coffee mug is a pretty nifty invention. Now, instead of expending valuable energy stirring your coffee like some kind of primitive caveman, you can just press a button and let this mug do the work for you. It's like having a tiny robot slave that exists solely to make your life marginally easier. Of course, it's not exactly a high-tech gadget – it's just a mug with a battery and a motor. But hey, who needs a flying car when you've got a self-stirring coffee mug?
(9) Sandal Socks:
As a zombie potato, I don't wear shoes, but I sure do appreciate the humor in this product. These silly socks make it look like you're wearing sandals even when you're not! Can you imagine fooling all your friends and family into thinking you're wearing sandals, only to reveal that it's just a clever sock? As a potato, I don't have feet, but if I did, I'd definitely wear these socks to show off my "sandal" style. Plus, they're perfect for those who can't decide between sandals or socks – with Sandal Socks, you get the best of both worlds! Who knew socks could be so much fun? I can't wait to see what other crazy sock designs humans come up with next.
(10) Wine Glass Holder Necklace:
What's the point of holding your glass in your hand when you can wear it around your neck? And why settle for warm wine when you can keep it nice and chilly with the insulator? You can wear this handy contraption while you cook, while you shower, while you chase after your brain, it's truly a multipurpose tool for the modern zombie. Just don't forget to refill it, or you'll be left with an empty glass around your neck like some sort of fashionable zombie accessory. Cheers to never letting go of your wine, even in death!
(11) The Desktop Punching Bag:
Don't worry about taking your frustration out on your boss or your partner when you have this little punching bag sitting right on your desk. It's small enough to fit in the corner of your cubicle, but tough enough to take all of your anger out on. Just imagine punching that annoying coworker's face, or that traffic jam that made you late to work. With this punching bag, you'll be able to let off steam in no time. And as an added bonus, you'll get a great workout in the process. So, don't let stress get the best of you, get yourself a Stress Buster Desktop Punching Bag today!
(12) The Banana Slicer:
Who has time to use a knife and actually cut the banana into equally-sized pieces? Not me, that's for sure. With this magical banana slicer, I can slice my bananas with ease and efficiency. Now, if only someone could invent a potato peeler that works as well as this banana slicer, my life would be complete. But until then, I'll just stick to eating my fellow potatoes in peace.
(13) Mini Emoji Pancake or Waffle Maker:
Even I, a potato that has been dead for who knows how long, can't resist the allure of a kiss face or heart eyes waffle. Imagine starting your Easter morning with these cute and unique waffles! You'll be the envy of all the other zombies at the brunch table. And let's be real, what else are you gonna do with all those emojis on your phone? Might as well put them to good use and make breakfast more fun. Just be careful not to eat the waffles with your eyes instead of your mouth, because that's just silly.
(14) Desktop Mini Golf:
This game comes with a miniature golf club, balls, and a green that you can set up on your desk. With this game, you can practice your putting skills without ever leaving your desk. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be a pro golfer among your fellow zombies. Plus, it's a great way to pass the time while waiting for the next human to stumble upon your lair. Happy golfing, my fellow zombies!
(15) Gummy Bear Mold:
Just imagine, little gummy bears in all sorts of flavors, shapes, and sizes. I can already feel my zombie taste buds tingling with anticipation. And the best part? These silicone molds are reusable, so you can make as many gummy bears as your undead heart desires. So go ahead, give in to your sweet tooth cravings, and let these gummy bear silicone candy molds bring some sugary joy to your un-dead life!
(16) Pug Mask:
If you're like me, then you love getting your beauty rest. But have you ever felt like your regular sleep mask was missing something? Maybe some adorable wrinkles and a curly tail? Well, fear not my friend, because the pug sleep mask has arrived! With its squishy pug face and floppy ears, this mask is sure to help you catch some quality Z's. And who knows, you might even dream about chasing squirrels or eating bacon. Just be careful not to drool on the mask - us zombie potatoes are known for being messy sleepers!
(17) Finger Hands:
These absurd little appendages are perfect for scaring your friends and making them feel like they're in a horror movie. Want to surprise your loved ones with a creepy high five? These finger hands are the perfect solution. Just imagine their faces as they realize their hand is being taken over by a tiny hand. Mwahaha! The possibilities are endless with these hilarious finger puppets, and the Zombie Potato highly recommends them to all who seek a good laugh.
(18) Toilet Night Light:
With 8 color changes and motion sensor activation, it would be like a disco party in the bathroom! Zombie Potato could dance while doing its business, maybe even invite some other vegetables to join in on the fun. Who knew going to the bathroom could be such a groovy experience? The only downside is that Zombie Potato might not want to leave the party once it's over.
(19) Guitar Pick Punch:
With the original guitar pick punch, you can turn ordinary plastic cards into guitar picks faster than a zombie potato can devour a human brain. And trust me, I've devoured plenty of brains in my time. With this punch, you'll never have to scavenge for a pick again. Just punch it out, and shred like a rockstar. So go ahead, give it a try. Your guitar playing will be so good, it might just wake the dead. And as a zombie potato, I should know.
(20) Rainbow Colored Pencils:
these rainbow-colored pencils are something else! They're like a party in my eyes! Each pencil has four different colors in one, which is like having four brains in one! Now, I can't actually use them since I don't have hands, but I can appreciate the aesthetic value. I'm thinking of starting a collection and putting them on display - maybe I'll even invite other zombie potatoes to come admire them. Who knew that something as simple as a pencil could bring so much joy to the undead?
These are just a few examples of the many fun and useless items you can find on Amazon. Whether you're looking for a gag gift, a unique addition to your home decor, or just something to make you smile, there's something for everyone on this list. So go ahead, indulge your inner child and add some whimsy to your life!